Walking is an adventure

Or maybe it’s the diabetes that’s the adventure? Maybe it’s a bit of both.

I had planned to walk earlier in the day today since it was going to be blazin’ hot again.

Before I go any further, think about what I just typed. I had planned to walk. Again. Two days in a row. *pats self on back*

Unfortunately I didn’t get to go until around 1 PM. I contemplated skipping it since by then it was close to 90 degrees out but I’ve managed to find some sort of motivation lately to do these walks and I knew I could talk myself out of it with a million excuses so off I went. Except it wasn’t that easy.

I took my dog Randy with me yesterday. Today it was only fair that I take Kendra (both Golden retrievers). Until I figure out the best way to pack the phone, iPod, and a bottle of water, I don’t want to wrestle two dogs, so one at a time it is. I got Kendra leashed up, cell phone in one hand, iPod in the other, and as I walked out the door a flash of black and white zipped by my feet. RatDog (AKA Cassie) decided she was going too.

Cassie was never properly leashed trained. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t know what a leash is. She sees one and gets excited. But try as we might, we’re not teaching this old dog the ‘trick’ of walking properly on a leash. She is also the kind of dog that once she gets loose, she’s GONE. “See ya!” I chased her down with Kendra in tow behaving like an angel on her leash, but Ratdog was having none of it. She managed to keep one step ahead of me for a full block. I realized as long as I had Kendra on the leash Ratdog was never going to come back to me. So I ran Kendra back home (she looked pretty confused at that point) and went back after Cassie. Except in the time it took me to get Kendra back home, Cassie pulled a disappearing act. The little shit just vanished.

By this time I was pretty ticked off and already out of breath (from running). I power walked back to the house, hopped in my car and went looking for her. If I was in shape I might have been able to keep on running on foot to look for her. But I’m not… and I was starting to panic that she was going to get lost. I found her crouching in the grass in the shade of a tree two blocks from home. She was looking pretty guilty, as well as a bit overheated. I sternly scolded her all the way home. (I didn’t yell at her, but she knew I wasn’t happy with her.)

I should have called that my exercise for today but I felt cheated and wanted my walk! I’ve never done walks like this on my own. I know that sounds crazy for as old as I am but it’s true. I thoroughly enjoyed myself yesterday and wanted to do it again. I got Kendra leashed up again, Ratdog kenneled, and set off for a real walk even though I was already sweaty at this point.

I chose to walk along the trails in the park a few blocks from our house. The park has tons of tall trees with lots of shade. By the time I got to the park my legs and ankles were tired, likely from yesterday. But it was well worth it and I’m glad I did it. I pushed myself to go home the long way past our old house and up the hill and saw my old neighbor. We talked for a few minutes then I headed home.

When I did this yesterday, I kicked off my shoes and sat down as soon as I got in the door. I think that was a mistake. It took me a long time to cool down and I felt sick for a bit. Today I walked circles around my house to slowly cool down and let my heart rate come down at a slower pace. That worked much better and I didn’t get the sick feeling. I should have known to do this. I used to do aerobics (jazzercise) all the time and they teach you about warming up and cooling down. I assume it’s the same for any type of exercise even if it’s just fast walking.

If only the adventure had ended there.

My brother got home a few minutes after I did. I chatted with him a bit and then chatted with a friend online. I was hungry at this point and decided to drive up to the corner store for a deli sandwich real quick before my lunch break was over.

They make them fresh while you wait and as I was watching the deli girl make it, I started getting frustrated. A co-worker had walked up and started chatting with her. She continued to work on my sandwich but at a slower pace and with pauses here and there as she talked to her co-worker. Suddenly I wanted to cry. WHY was she taking so damn long?? Didn’t she know I had to get back to work? Didn’t she know I was hungry? Tears started welling up in my eyes. Jeez these people just don’t get it.

It’s amazing to me how a low blood sugar moment can creep up on me without my realizing it. Many times in my life I’ve had food shoved in my face by friends and family. They see it before I do. But here I was at the store, by myself, ready to start bawling my eyes out because the deli girl was taking 30 seconds longer than normal to make my sandwich. Something must have been on my face because she asked me if I was OK. It wasn’t until she asked me that I realized what was happening.

In the fuzzy haze my brain was in I knew I needed something NOW and stupidly grabbed the first thing I could reach. That happened to be a bag of Funyuns. (They had a row of chips to go with the sandwiches right where you wait.) I ripped open the bag and started stuffing my face with them. Stupid stupid stupid.

First of all, Funyuns aren’t something you can eat fast. Second of all, they aren’t going to do much to raise blood sugar quickly so one can drive home safely. I should have walked the 5 feet over to the other counter were they had rows of candy bars. But.. I was in a fog at that point and knew I needed food. Anything. Just food. I am not sure Funyuns qualify as food!

By then the deli girl was looking at me funny. I’m sure I appeared to be about 2 steps away from needing drug treatment the way I was shaking and shoveling Funyuns into my face. I also have a vague memory of telling her I was fine, just drooling over the sandwich. I’m sure that didn’t help my case much.

And I drove home. This is a no-no. I know this. I was so panicky at this point all I could think about was getting back to my desk so I would be back on time from my lunch break and eat. In hindsight, if I had my wits about me, I wouldn’t have driven home. It’s only a few blocks but still… I screwed up by doing that. They have a table and chairs at the store I could have sat down at and eaten my sandwich. Or at least a candy bar to raise my BG Levels up enough to be safe to drive.

When I did a test it said 71. That’s not that low, but I’m beginning to suspect my BG meter is a bit off. I had a mildly shaky moment a few days ago and it said I was 92. It felt lower than that. So I’ll be getting that checked, too. I should have checked before I drove off. Suddenly throwing myself into vigorous exercise is surely going to tweak my bg levels a bit. It should have been common sense for me.

If I’m going to continue keeping score, I’m not sure how to score this one. While I managed to get some good exercise in despite the issues I had getting started, I still failed at some basic diabetic ‘rules’. Things that most diabetics would consider common sense.

I guess we’ll call this one a tie.

Tracie 2
Diabetes 1

I quit whining and I walked

I took a walk today. A brisk (for me) walk even. It’s a start.

I’m just so disgusted with myself for gaining back any of the weight I’ve lost, and doing nothing to get my health back on track. All the issues I’m currently experiencing can very likely be reversed if I just took care of my body.

I’m not sure how far I walked today since I had nothing to measure it with other than the song times on my iPod. I added up the time (not counting the time I spent flipping through songs until I landed on one I felt like walking to):

3:29 – Above the Wreckage – Dishwalla
3:40 – Across the Universe – Michael Johns version
3:11 – Banana Pancakes – Jack Johnson
3:27 – Bleed Like Me – Trapt
3:33 – Born Like This – Three Days Grace
4:27 – Burn – Three Days Grace
6:23 – Change – Candlebox (1/2 song – I was home before it ended)
Total time walking: 24:59

(Note to self: Put the iPod on shuffle next time instead of alphabetical. And seriously think about actually purchasing that external hard drive you’ve had your eye on for all your MP3’s.)

I might have overdid it a bit. I AM out of shape after all and my route included a rather steep hill. It took a good hour for me to cool down and not feel nauseous after I got home. Of course I went at my lunch break (2:30’sh PM) and it was freakin’ hot outside. But I survived it, it was actually fun, and I feel pretty good right now.

I even tested my BG levels twice today. So despite my whining earlier today, I’m going to call this day a victory for me. I hope it’s only the beginning of many more to come.

Maybe I should keep score?
Tracie 1
Diabetes 0

I suck at diabetes

I’ve been having some ‘off’ days. By off I mean, I’ve been cranky and not in the best of moods. When I get like that I don’t like to post because I know I’ll come across whiny and annoying.

So what’s got me down? It’s a lot of things. We’ve had a lot of stress in our lives the past few months, and being sick twice in two months didn’t help. But right now what’s weighing heavily on my mind the most is my health.

Back in 2004 when I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes, I knew it was time to do something about my weight. I was freaked out but determined to get it under control and fast. I read a lot of books, did a lot of research and soul-searching. I thought I had a handle on things.

My goal was to lose enough weight to be able to control the diabetes on my own without medication. I did great. I lost almost 50 lbs over the next few months. I felt great. My BG levels were under control. I had some ups and downs but for the most part I was on the right track.

Then, I’m not sure what happened. My weight loss plateaued and I just hung out at the same weight for a very long time… about two years. It was frustrating but at the time I was hyper-focused on my job and living for that job (like an idiot). I stopped exercising but continued to eat right so it wasn’t that big of a deal. Even when I was diagnosed with borderline high cholesterol, I brushed it off knowing I’d “get back on track” soon. I knew I even gained a ‘couple’ pounds back but I wasn’t going to worry. I mentioned it here a few times how I was going to exercise and kick my butt back into gear. I meant it at the times I posted.

But I failed.

The reality check came the weekend Jack and I went on our little getaway. I brought some jeans I haven’t worn in a while. When I put them on I noticed right away they were snug, but I figured it was because they were freshly washed and would stretch out a bit. WRONG. I was miserable. I sat through breakfast wondering if I could get away with unbuttoning them and wondering if the circulation would come back to my legs when I stood up. After breakfast I explained to Jack my discomfort and we went and picked me up a few pairs of Capri sweats so I could breath again.

I wanted to cry. Those pants not only fit me when I got them over a year ago, they were sort of loose. Now I couldn’t even breathe in them.

A few days ago I finally got the courage to get back on the scale. I’ve gained back 13 pounds of the 50 I lost. It doesn’t sound like a whole lot, but it’s definitely showing and it’s obviously affecting my health both physically and mentally.

What the hell is wrong with me?

I thought about posting (mostly to myself) another “I’m going to do something about this” type post but FFS I’ve done that and I clearly don’t follow through. Getting all self-pitying about it isn’t helping either.

At this point, I just don’t know WHAT to do to get the motivation, the time, and the energy to do what needs to be done with this body of mine.

Bullet Sunday #16

It’s been a while since I’ve done a Bullet Sunday and there’s so much random stuff going on I figured it was fitting to do one today.

  • Last weekend the sun was shining, it was close to 80 degrees outside and we had a BBQ. This weekend we’re taking pictures of the snow that fell. SNOW. In April. This just isn’t right. It wasn’t a lot of snow and it’s gone now but still. Snow? In April? Unheard of around here.

    Snow that fell April 19, 2008

  • Today’s the day we get to go to JCPenney and to have them correct their mistake. I have to quote Jeff in the comments on that post because he gave an awesome suggestion for how to handle it:

    Jeff on April 20th, 2008 at 7:29 am

    (((RING))) (((RING))) (((RING)))

    Tracie: “Hello, Store Manager? Yes, I’d like you to send someone out to the house to finish the job that your sales clerk didn’t.”

    Store Manager: “Well, Ma’am, I don’t think I can do that.”

    Tracie: “I’ll come to you, then. I’ll be the one with the flock of kids running wild up & down your aisles of nice, light-colored, ladies springtime outfits with triple-scoop chocolate ice cream cones.”

    My kids are usually well-behaved in stores. (I say usually because sometimes when their dad is with them they are less well-behaved because he’s a big dopey kid himself who doesn’t see anything wrong with running up and down the aisles.) But in this case, I think Jeff’s idea is a good one. Don’t you?

  • Today is also the day we will finally replace the stupid vertical blinds that plague our back patio door. I can’t stand them anymore. Though I do think I’ll be in for disappointment. I’m pretty sure the curtain I want will have to be ordered. *sigh* I also want to look at installing some motion sensor lights for our driveway. Our old house had them and I miss being able to turn off the porch light but still have those come on when we came home or when someone comes over.
  • I haven’t updated on my health lately so here’s quickie: I’m doing OK with the Diabetes and my BG levels are pretty under control. I have a doc appointment coming up soon’ish and I’ll find out how my cholesterol levels are. I know he’s going to want to put me back on the Lovastatin and I’m not looking forward to that battle with him. Weight-wise I’m still stuck in the same rut (lost 50 pounds, gained back 10 and have plateaued).
  • I changed up the site design here at spacytracie.com a bit. The basic template is the same but I’ve taken out the colors on the sidebars and changed up the fonts a bit. I also created a graphical logo for the header and a favicon. I think this is easier on the eyes and a bit less busy. What do you think?
  • Who watched Battlestar Galactica? I don’t want to say much … but OMG! Just.. OMG! What a totally messed up episode. OMG! … lol

[tags]bullet sunday,diabetes,living with diabetes,cholesterol,battlestar galactica,vertical blinds,jcpenney,wordpress template,site design[/tags]

Thursday Thirteen #24 – Annoyed

I haven’t done a TT13 in a while so I figured it was time to do one. I wish it could be more positive, but alas, I’ve had a rough couple weeks and I just need to get a few things off my chest. Here’s thirteen things that really annoy me:

Thursday Thirteen
Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

  1. Laundry. That always puts me in a foul mood. A friend said the other day, “why can’t clothing be disposable?” For real. Why can’t it?
  2. Liars. There are many people who lie and think nothing of it. I have zero tolerance for dishonesty.
  3. Judgmental people drive me insane and I’ve had my fill of them lately. Especially the ones who base their judgments on information they *think* they have but really have no clue about. Anyone who’s ever hosted a blog knows all about these types of people.
  4. People who don’t listen or do a good job in the workplace, but will go above your head to try to get others in trouble to make themselves look better lose all respect from me. There’s a word for people like this: brown-noser. Or: ass-kisser.
  5. News flash for the condescending people out there: you make yourself look like a jerk and no one looks up to you.
  6. Self-righteousness, it takes a strong person to admit their faults and learn from their mistakes. It drives me nuts when people can’t.
  7. Screaming fighting children. It’s a BOX boys.. a BOX. Is it really worth screaming at each other over?? (Yes they were fighting over a cardboard box!)
  8. Passive-aggressive behavior makes me twitch and blink. At the same time. I don’t look good when I twitch and blink at the same time. So please just say what you gotta say.
  9. Speaking of looking good, vain people annoy me.
  10. Speaking of looking good and vain people, hypocrites annoy me.
  11. Self-pitying Whiners. If you want something in life you have to go for it. You can’t sit around and wait for others to make life happen for you. John Lennon said, “Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.” It’s so true!
  12. Losing weight. I seem to take two steps forward, then one step back. I actually researched diet pills the other day after a friend online said she started on Alli. If you know me, you know that’s totally out of character, and being a diabetic, it’s just a no-no…
  13. Did I already mention hypocrites? Just checkin’.

Links to more Thursday Thirteens: Amanda | Chris

[tags]thursday,thirteen,thursday thirteen,tt13,annoying people,annoying things[/tags]

Santa is too fat? Santa should lose weight?

I love Santa! I’ve been reading a lot lately about the size of Santa Claus. Apparently some chick named MeMe Roth wants Santa to lose weight. (I don’t watch Fox News much.) You can watch the YouTube video of MeMe Roth’s debate over Santa’s weight here. I have never heard of this MeMe Roth person but after watching this video, I have zero respect for her and think she’s got some serious issues and needs to pull her head out of her ass.

So, now we have a Keep Santa Fat campaign. I guess this was more serious than I thought?

Tony the Tiger is under attack too. He apparently ‘died today, a victim of Diabetic complications‘. Oooooooooo K.

What’s next? Are the Keebler Elves going to die of a fudge cookie overdose? Is the Pillsbury Dough Boy going to keel over from clogged arteries?

The people coming up with this stuff are reporting what they think is Santa’s “actual” height and weight, and predicting that he has Type II Diabetes. Um… Have they run out of REAL gossip and drama this year? So they need to start making stuff up?

I’ve been trying to think of a way to express exactly how I feel about all this. Then today I read Kerri’s post at six until me and and yes.. YES. That’s IT. Even though Kerri’s a Type I, she gets it.

I get insulted when people blame marketing, icons, TV, commercials, etc. for being overweight. Do people seriously think when I was child I decided being fat was OK because Santa was? Santa being fat sets a bad example for our children?!? No… Those placing blame on stupid stuff like this are setting the bad examples here. They’re teaching our children that it’s OK to place blame on this stuff, rather than teaching their children themselves about what is healthy and what isn’t. Whatever happened to telling kids what they see on TV isn’t always real?

The whole thing is just so weird. It seems to me there’s a large group of people who have become paranoid and convinced people can’t think for themselves.

[tags]MeMe Roth, Santa, Keep Santa Fat, Santa losing weight, Tony the Tiger, diabetes, type 2 diabetes[/tags]

Exercise is cheap

It’s no surprise I struggle with weight issues. Heck, it’s in the tag line in the sidebar under author <—– over there. I know what I need to do to lose weight:

1. Eat regular meals – for me this is the toughest one and likely the second largest reason I struggle with my weight. I tend to not eat enough, therefore putting my body into starvation mode. I am constantly forgetting to eat breakfast. When I finally do eat I overdo it because I'm so hungry.

2. Exercise more – this is the number one reason I struggle with my weight. I have at-home jobs where I'm sitting on my butt all day. I keep telling myself I need to MAKE the time to exercise but I never get around to it.

3. Fear. This may sound strange, but I fear losing weight. I fear that people will look at me differently. I fear I'll lose it then gain it all back. Fear that keeping the weight off will be a life-long commitment for me.

I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. I also know I'm not the only one who knows it just takes some simple common sense to do something about their weight issues: eat right, exercise, have courage. That's it. That's really ALL there is to it. I know this. You know this. And yet… it's so hard.

Today I read on diet blog, 10 Sobering Revelations About Women and Dieting

A survey conducted on 2000 young women (average age 23) revealed that every pound of weight a woman loses will cost them about £807 (approximately $1660 USD). This includes expenditures such as; gym membership, exercise DVDs, supplements and extra fruits and veggies.

Um… $1600 per pound?! OUCH! That is insane. But somehow I bet it’s true. Look at the cost of these Miracle burn diet pills. From $40 – $86 per month. I’ve never been tempted by diet pills. I’m not a pill-taker and it’s enough that I have to take medication twice a day to help manage my diabetes. But many people are. Many want to pop a pill to fix everything..especially fix being overweight and will pay anything to obtain that goal. Not me. However, I have been lured in with gym memberships and exercise DVDs in the past. I even posted a while back that I was looking into buying some DVD’s for walking in your home. My kids ended up needing shoes and school stuff so I never got around to it…. but I also never got around to even starting any sort of exercise program. Right now I simply cannot afford a gym membership and those DVD’s will have to wait until our after the Christmas and Birthday season is over with around here.

But….I don’t need money to lose weight!!! Exercising is FREE! I know this, you know this… everyone knows this. So… after reading that article today money is no longer going to be one of my excuses. If you struggle as I do, don’t let it be your excuse either. As soon as I post this, I’m going to strap on my iPod Nano and go for a walk.

[tags]weight loss, exercise, eating right[/tags]