Door to Door Part I


Warning for those with sensitive eyes: This post contains a naughty word or two.

This is also a two part post. Part II will follow later today or tomorrow.

Here I was minding my own business balancing my checking account when my dogs started barking and whining at the front window. A few seconds later there was a soft knock on my door which caused the dogs to go into a barking frenzy. I realized at that very moment that we need to stop scolding our dogs for barking when the doorbell rings or someone knocks. When everyone is home and they bark like this, we get annoyed and try to hush them. When I’m home alone I never hush them and realized today it’s because their ferocious barking makes me feel safer.

When I peek out the window and see an unknown man standing there, I always hesitate to answer the door. This could be THE ax murderer rapist boogyman. Bark doggies, bark. Bark louder! Make Mr. ax murderer rapist boogyman think twice about THIS house. People aren’t generally afraid of golden retrievers but at least they can *sound* mean.

So the guy today was some sort of investment broker .. or something. It went like this:

boogyman: “Hi! My name is boogyman and I’m from blah blan and son firm. We are looking to introduce ourselves to the neighborhood.

me: “you’re from where?”

boogyman: “blah blah and son”

me: “and what is that??”

boogyman: “Well that’s why I’m here.. we wanted to make sure people know who we are and what we do!”

He then gives me an expectant look like he wants me to invite him in. Riiiiight. I contained my laughter and pretended not to notice.

me: “… and that is … ?”

boogyman: “well we’re an investment firm and…”

me: “I’m not interested”

I shut the door and locked it.

Seriously…. anyone needing to go door to door these days for those types of service is desperate. I relayed this story to Jay and apparently this is some sort of “Face to Face Marketing”. He said it’s more like “IN YO FACE! Marketing”. Ok.. but I don’t get it. Door to door sales is nothing new. Most people I know loathe this type of marketing.

This is the third or fourth time in the last few months strange people selling strange things have came to my door. And it just comes across as desperate to me. The guy who sells windows? Sure.. I can see it.. At least it’s somewhat relevant. I’m in a HOUSE after all. The guy wanting to sell me lawn services? Understandable.. I don’t like that these strange men come to my house and try to sell me products to enhance my house but it’s somewhat normal. The guy wanting me to use his company for my investments? Fuck off. It’s pouring down rain and windy out again today.. so yeah.. that’s DESPERATE and I already don’t trust you.

Maybe next time my dogs are really barking but can’t be seen by Mr ax murder rapist boogyman who just knocked on my door I’ll start shouting “DOWN CUJO! NO KILL! NO KILL!” until he goes away.

Stay tuned for Part II: The time I physically chased a door to door sales person. Don’t worry… She had it coming!

[tags]ax murder, rapist, boogyman, desperate salesmen, door to door, killer attack dogs[/tags]

6 thoughts on “Door to Door Part I

  1. In reality, the guy was only pretending to be from a brokerage firm. He was really a member of the First Church of Jehova’s Witness for the Church of Latter Day Saints, and he was looking to convert you!

    Seriously, your reaction was pretty much the same as mine. And I’m a guy. It’s getting to the point where I don’t get in too much of a hurry going to the door in hopes that whoever is there will go away before I get there.

  2. Maybe a “No Solicitation Allowed” sign along with a NRA sticker like Jeff suggested.

    Then if they keep coming you could always “accidentally” let one of the largest of the dogs try to go after them through the door. Big dogs always scare the bejejus out of people. ๐Ÿ™‚

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