Oh noes!

According to my email, my bank account at US Bank has been frozen! OMG Whatever shall I DO??? I didn’t even know I *had* an account at US Bank. Wait, did I? I don’t think I did. Hmm… maybe if I go to the link and give them ALL my info like my social sercurity number and my bank account number at the bank I KNOW I have an account at, etc. they’ll unfreeze my account and give me lots of money!

Oh wait. Another email says the FDIC in cooperation with the Department Of Homeland Security, Federal, State and Local Governments, has denied my account insurance from the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation due to suspected violations of the Patriot Act. Ack. What did I DO??? Here’s what they said. I’m so upset. oh dear dear dear. (I left the original formatting)

While we have only a limited amount of evidence gathered on = your account at this time it is enough to suspect that currency violations may have = occurred in your account and due to this activity we have withdrawn Fe= deral Deposit Insurance on your account until we verify that your account has not = been used in a violation of the Patriot Act. As a result Department Of Homeland Security Director Tom Ridge has = advised the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation to suspend all depos= it insurance on your account until such time as we can verify your identity and your= account information. Please verify through our IDVerify below. This information will be = checked against a federal government database for identity verificatio= n. This only takes up to a minute and when we have verified your identity you will be n= otified of said verification and all suspensions of insurance on your = account will be lifted. Failure to use IDVerify below will cause all insurance for your acc= ount to be terminated and all records of your account history will be = sent to the Federal Bureau of Investigation in Washington D.C. for analysis and = verification. Failure to provide proper identity may also result in a = visit from Local, State or Federal Government or Homeland Security Officials. Thank you for your time and consideration in this matter. Donald E. Powell Chairman Emeritus FDIC John D. Hawke, Jr. Comptroller of the Currency Michael E. Bartell Chief Information Officer

Wow.. the goverment sucks at html formatting. Maybe they’ll give me a job. Oh and this John D. Hawke guys sounds scary. He’s a Comptroller of the Currency. I better get right on it! Wait.. which account? The one I didn’t know I had at US bank? My savings? Two checking accounts? Well, I’ll just give them all the account numbers.